The Beginning and the End

As I mentioned in my previous post, my aunt passed recently.  It's interesting, but during any time of loss or struggle, my extended family continually turns to my immediate family to "take care of the religious details."  I think, quite simply, this is because my mom, dad, sister and myself are Christians while the rest of my family is not.  So, they may turn to us because they think we know what we're doing when it comes to death, etc.  Or perhaps there's something deeper.  Whatever the case may be, we always are happy to oblige.

So, I went up to the Family Farm on Saturday to sit down with my dad and write out the eulogy for my aunt.  There's many things we wanted to say to our family, but there's only so much time, attention, etc.  In the end, we whittled the talk down to two main focuses.  The first being the life of my aunt, how she lived it, and what that meant to all of us.  The second focus was for us all to reflect on the lives we are currently living.  My father and I hoped that this second focus would afford us the opportunity to share with our family the reason for the hope we profess, and to to communicate that a life lived in Christ is the only life worth living.  

Now, for any of you who know me, you know that I hate the "altar call" decisions that have dominated the Christian landscape for the past several decades.  I cringe when I hear the phrase, "If you died tonight, where would you be?"  Sorry if I just offended every Evangelism Explosion person I've ever met.  Anyway, I'm not going to go into all of the details, but feel free to ask me about it sometime for an in-depth explanation.  However, the "altar call" has become such a staple of our culture, and in most of my Christian experience, that even I have a hard time thinking outside of the box.  How do you tell someone you love about the hope of Christ without immediately scaring the hell out of them, so to speak?

*I must pause here for a bit of an aside.  I lost a cousin recently and, at his funeral, the minister presiding over the ceremony felt it proper to present the gospel message (as it is traditionally understood) along with the obligatory bow your head and pray this prayer with me approach.  No looking around!  At the end of the ordeal he proclaimed all who had uttered the private penance to be saved, and wished them all the best of luck.  Ok, he didn't say best of luck, I added that part.  Regardless, I got a bit upset and basically hit the proverbial roof.   With Dallas Willard ringing in my ears, vowed to never ever do a funeral in that way.*

As it turns out, God must have a bit of a sense of humor (even at funerals), for but a few months later, I sat at my parent's kitchen table trying to figure out how the heck to write this eulogy.  It was if God was saying, "Oh, you think you're so smart?  Well, here's your chance, big boy."  And it was at that moment I realized how quickly I had judged the other pastor and exactly how hard it can be to write a eulogy.  So, my apologies to that Pastor, I, admittedly, judged too quickly.  

The portion in the blog that follows is my attempt to balance this whole thing out.  It is the actual eulogy that was read by my father at my aunt's funeral.  The first part was written by him, the second by myself.  I also played the part of editor, so all grammatical errors are clearly ones that he made and I did not catch.  =)  I do not share this for some sort of morbid curiosity.  Rather, I share it because I would appreciate some honest, heartfelt, and maybe even wise feedback.  Did we do an adequate job of explaining (in broad-stroke form) the joys and challenges of the Christian life?  Did we present the entire message of the gospel?  The importance of Christ in our lives now as well as in the future?  Did we convey the the consequences of a life devoid of Christ?

Also, a few issues for your consideration before we continue.  First, we wrote this eulogy in about an hour.  That is not to say we weren't trying to be prepared and faithful, but rather to say that death can oftentimes happen unexpectedly and we did the best we could.  I wish we had a week to prepare, but we did not.  So, grace for that; please.  Second, there are some inside family jokes and stories that I'm sure you won't get.  For that I apologize, I wish you could all be a part of my family, but I'm sure you understand.  I don't believe the jokes and stories will get in the way of the main content and spirit of the message.  Third, you are only getting the second part of the funeral service.  My dad asked me to speak first, share a few stories of my aunt, and read my previous blogpost.  He then read this eulogy on the heels of that.  Finally, I will tell you about the response we received from our family after you have worked through the eulogy.  I wouldn't want to color your responses.  So, without further adieu, here we go...

Good evening and thank you for coming.

But first, let us Pray (because I need it).

As we begin, I must admit that I feel a little bit awkward and a highly inadequate. It is difficult for a simple farmer to sum up in entirety someone’s life. However, with God’s help, I will do as best I am able. Helen, as you may or may not know, is my sister-in-law. I am married to her youngest sister Dorothy May. Please don’t confuse me with the one married to Mary Ann. He’s the other Leicher.

Tonight, we’ve come to celebrate the life, and share the loss of Helen Marie Broskey.  We’ve come to remember, tell stories, and say goodbye to Helen. As hard as it is, this time tonight will help us all begin to work through the grieving and begin the process of healing.

Let us take a few moments remember Helen:
Helen is:
*The second child of Leonard and Gloria Broskey—total of 6
*Never married (I think the Leicher’s ran out if son’s too fast)
*Cared deeply about her family and made them a top priority in her life
*Loved her Mother/Grandmother and took outstanding care of them
*Favorite sport was bingo and liked to eat at the “Olde Country Buffet”
*Loved her little dog Annie and we even named her walker after the dog
*Loved the cooking channel…as many of you know Helen spent 4 months with Dorothy and I before she went to the medical center. I can tell you that during that time I have become a master chef and if you need a good rib recipe, just give me a call and I’ll share one with you.

As you can see Helen was a very simple and caring person who sacrificed her time, money and efforts for her friends and family. They are a testimony to the story she wrote over the pages of her life. She lived a wonderful life, and now, in her death, we remember.

Death oftentimes causes us to pause and reflect upon, not only on the life of the one lost, but also our own lives. I believe this instance to be no different. Ecclesiastes 7:2 states, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every person; the living shall take this to heart.”

Tonight makes us face the fact that we are all mortal. None of us will live in this body forever. So, this is a time to ask some difficult questions. Questions such as, “How am I living my life?” “Am I ready to go?” and “What happens when I am gone?” These are questions that are tough to ask, but need to be answered none the less.

*Read Poem "The Dash"*

The time in-between the doorways of life and of death is of utmost importance. It is our legacy that is determined by the choices we make and the steps we take. And, if we are honest, only we ourselves can truly know how we live that time out. Others can view our lives from a distance, but only we and God know our hearts.

With that being said, I cannot speak for Helen, for God alone is her Judge. I am only a man who can speak for himself. I am not wise enough to come to any conclusions on my own, but I do have a faith that leads and guides the steps that I feebly take. In Matthew 25 we are told of a time where we will all be called to give an account for the lives we have lead. I would like to share that with you this evening.

Matthew 25: 31-46

The Word of God is quite clear. It is how we live our lives that ultimately matters. It is who we serve that is called into account. It is the call of Christ to lay down our lives for the sake of those around us. I know that many of us believe ourselves to be good people. Sadly, this is not true. The bible once again makes it quite clear that we who consider ourselves to be first, shall be last. Pride, as it has been said, comes before the fall.

Rather, we are called to a life of dependence. Dependence upon a God who is infinitely greater than ourselves. We are to depend on He who came to earth, lived a perfect life, and died and rose again that we may experience life to the fullest in His kingdom. I am talking, of course, of Jesus Christ, the servant king who continues to restore my life.

As many of you know, I, the man standing before you today, am not the man I once was. The things that I once held so highly, have now begun to fade in the distance. Am I so arrogant as to suggest I am better? Certainly not. Rather, I now follow a different Lord. I once strove hard after riches, material things, and the American Dream. Now I strive to walk in the steps of He who gave up all for me.

I tell you all of these things not to brow-beat you, or to suggest I somehow now have it all together (you all know me too well for that). I still fall every day and I’m still a downright wreck at times (just ask Dorothy). Instead, I tell you these things because I love you all very much, and it is my heartfelt prayer that you can experience the freedom and support I have through Jesus Christ. That is not to say my life is easier, in fact, Christ can really ruin it sometimes. Life as a Christian isn’t easy, but it is good.

And so, here we are. We have much to consider, much to ponder. What will our legacies be? Who are we following? What are we serving? Who is our Lord? I am eternally grateful that I have found SOMEONE worth following. It gives my life meaning and purpose. To quote someone more knowledgeable than I, “I am a beggar who has been shown where to find bread.” And, as a humble beggar I would love to show you where you too can find the only bread that is truly filling. That you may experience the hope that I now have.

As we close this portion of the service, I would like to read Psalm 90:12 to you. It is a record of a prayer of Moses. In this verse Moses prays, “Teach us to number our days aright, that you may gain a heart of wisdom.” In others words, he is praying to God, “Help us to recognize how short life really is, that we can spend our energy on things that really matter.”

So tonight as we depart and at a later time when you gather with family and friends and you talk about the great memories you have…it is my prayer that you will celebrate the life and memory of our beautiful sister Helen Marie Broskey… but it is also my prayer that you would take time to do an inventory of your own life and make any needed corrections that God through his Holy Spirit is leading you to do.

May we all spend our energy on things that really matter.

Let us Pray

I would like to thank all of you once again for coming. It means so much to our family. If you would like to talk about anything I mentioned, I would love to know. Thank you and goodnight.

With that, we closed.  We tried to keep it short, concise, and to the point.  In the end, I think it went fairly well.  The majority of our family were thankful (which you would expect) and we weren't cussed out (which we also expected).  After the funeral service I had the opportunity to go to my cousin's house.  As we sat on his back porch discussing life and enjoying a beer, we began to discuss the eulogy my dad had given.  The discussion went for quite some time, and I was shocked to realize we talked for nearly 3 hours.  In that time we discussed many things, but faith, God, belief, and sin were all included.  He even said that my dad's words about none of us being good really struck him.  All in all I was pretty excited to talk with him so much about my faith.  

I left my cousins house with the parting words that I was certain if he continued to seek out the Lord, he would find Him.  He thanked me for not trying to shove my views down his throat.  I hope that this conversation is just in the first of many with him.

Well, here is where you come in.  If this post made you think, I would appreciate your thoughts.  If you think I'm nuts, that would be valuable to me as well.